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Kaarle McCulloch reveals a difficult two years and
return to racing |
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November 14th 2014 |
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The name Kaarle McCulloch is one all track fans know.
McCulloch won a hat trick of team sprint World Championship
titles between 2009 and 2011 with Anna Meares. Commonwealth
gold and Olympic bronze in the team sprint also form part of a
long palmares along with multiple Australian and Oceania
titles across the sprint events.
McCulloch has battled with a knee injury for much of her
career, but was something she was able to manage. "In the lead
in to the Olympics it just was something I learnt to deal
with. It was a part of my everyday routine, either
experiencing the pain or having to manage it. I was so
intently focused on achieving my goal to get to the Olympics
that nothing really got in my way," said McCulloch. "But post
the Games I really struggled with it. I didn’t want to spend
the hours maintaining my body to just be pain free enough to
train the next day and I also saw that it was a major reason
why I had not improved for three years."
With her Olympic goal passed, McCulloch's knee injury had more
of an impact on training. "My training was becoming more and
more effected by it, so for the majority of 2013 I didn’t
train at full capacity," explained McCulloch. "If I had pain I
just simply stopped, I didn’t push through anymore - and my
performance suffered as a result."
2013 saw McCulloch faced with a number of decisions, both
personally and professionally. An injury causing increased
pain and her motivation to fall was not the only thing on
McCulloch's mind. In a serious relationship for the first time
and having spent so much of her life on the bike, McCulloch
found herself wanting a family.
With things not clicking McCulloch made the difficult decision
to leave Cycling Australia's High Performance Unit (HPU) in
Adelaide. The move back to the New South Wales Institute of
Sport now sees 2002 Sprint World Champion Sean Eadie coaching
her.
Her return to competing at the top of the sport with a fresh
outlook has already delivered results, gold in the team sprint
at the Oceania Champions and the first World Cup in
Guadalajara. McCulloch’s renewed focus has seen her set new
goals for the 2014/15 season, "I would like to make the World
Championships team for team sprint starter."
Below McCulloch talks leaving the HPU, working with Sean
Eadie, considering retirement, depression, finding enjoyment
on the bike, her come back, recent results and what the future
holds
PelotonWatch: You made the decision to leave
the AIS program in Adelaide to go back and train at the NSWIS.
Was it a hard decision to make?
Kaarle McCulloch: Yes. I am a big supporter
of the AIS and the program, I do believe it is one of the best
systems in the world and I knew it was a big risk to take to
leave what I had always known as the best our country has to
offer its athletes. In the end though I feel it was the best
decision I have made in my career to date. I am now involved
with a coach (Sean Eadie) and a system (NSWIS) that whilst may
not boast the funding nor the technology that the AIS has, it
has provided me with what I have needed to perform at a high
level. The facilities at the NSWIS are world class and my
coach Sean Eadie is one of the best I have ever worked with.
It has been hard more on the political side of things for me,
as I am on the 'outer' now.
PW: You said recently you considered
retiring. What brought that thinking on and how seriously were
you considering it?
KM: The biggest reason was because of my
injury. I had been suffering from the pain for more than five
years and I didn’t want to endure it anymore, and it was not
like I hadn’t spent hours rehabilitating it and with my doctor
and physio at the AIS. I really didn’t know if it would be
possible to be pain free anymore and I said to my current
physio who has ended up helping me to become pain free that I
didn’t believe he could help me in the beginning. I think he
took that as a challenge and I am very grateful for his help
in getting me back to full fitness again.
I also had a bit of a life crisis after the Olympics. I was
involved in a serious relationship and for the first time in
my life I realised that I wanted a family as much as I wanted
to be a successful bike rider. In the end that relationship
didn’t end up working out and I found myself, injured, not on
scholarship, alone and really not in a great place in my life.
I didn’t know if cycling was what I wanted to do anymore, as
it certainly hadn’t brought me much joy for quite some time.
In the end it took some time but I started to find the love
and passion again for my cycling. When I came back after my
injury I wasn’t sure how much I wanted it nor whether I could
be good again so as I started to improve on my bike and in my
training and I was pain free I started to love it again and
its been getting better and better ever since. It became more
about finding the passion again rather than the constant
pressures of being the best. I still have really difficult
moments in my life. Things are still not great off the bike
but I feel slowly like I am making progress towards being
happier and more content about who I am and what I want with
my life. I have learnt a lot this year about myself and if
anything I think that’s more important to me than winning a
bike race. I could be the most successful bike rider in the
world but if I am not happy off my bike then winning means not
much.
PW: Ultimately you decided to continue and
make a comeback. What motivated you to stay in the sport?
KM: My main motivation came from my family. I
hated it at the time but they continued to encourage me to
keep riding. My family are my biggest supporters and have in
the past believed in me more than I have believed in myself.
They helped me to get out of bed on the days when I didn’t
want to and slowly going to training became my escape my from
life for a while there. Soon though as I started to improve on
my bike I wasn’t escaping from my life but rather creating my
life again, and when that started happening my life outside of
cycling started to improve.
I moved out of home to a share house with some other athletes
who are amazing and have given me a new lease on life, and I
found some new interests outside of cycling. I am really into
and following the MotoGP at the moment as well as taking an
interest again in my studies and in general my life outside of
cycling. Sean Eadie has played a big role in this also. Sean
talks about 'the chase' - the pursuit of your dreams and
aspirations. Sean knows what I want to achieve and he has a
great deal of empathy and respect for that. He helped me to
understand my training (his philosophy) and that for me has
been such a pleasure to learn, I go to training and I learn
something new every day. Its not just about going through the
motions anymore, I understand my training, I see improvements
and I enjoy my training environment.
PW: Your first competition back was ITS
Adelaide were you happy with your performances in your first
races back?
KM: I was SO happy with how I went at the ITS
even though I didn’t win anything. I had only been on the bike
for eight weeks and to come out and ride 11.3 in winter on the
last day of competition, it was the first moment that I
realised that I could do this. But I also had a lot of fun,
and I hadn’t had fun at an event for a very long time. I was a
different person and a different athlete and it scared me and
excited me both at the same time. Learning to let go of old
Kaarle has been an ongoing process, but when new Kaarle comes
out I feel like I can take on the world.
PW: Your return to international competition
came at the Oceania Championships in October claiming gold in
the team sprint and bronze in the sprint. How much of a
confidence boost were these results?
KM: I think I was more relieved than
anything. Even though I knew I was in good shape and training
super well I still had reservations on what was going to
happen. I hadn’t had a good result in nearly two years so I
was very nervous. I just wanted to see good times and confirm
to myself that all the sacrifices and pain I had gone through
this year was worth it.
In the end I think I expended a fair amount of mental energy
in the weeks leading up to the event and so when I finished on
top of the scoreboard on day one with Team Sprint it was like
this huge wave of relief flooded me. What it gave me was
confidence during Mexico. I just knew I would ride well there
and so it showed. I was not even nervous for the team sprint,
I was all confidence - that was a totally foreign feeling for
me, and one in which I look forward to experiencing in the
future.
PW: You claimed gold with Stephanie Morton in
the team sprint at the World Cup in Guadalajara. Happy with
your ride?
KM: Individually yes. I rode a PB of 18.8.
But I am really happy with my approach and the way in which I
conducted myself. It was actually a pleasure to race at that
level again and I was not nervous at all. I felt right at
home. As I said, I was all confidence.
PW: Must be satisfying to return to the top
level of international competition and claim gold?
KM: It was satisfying to an extent yes. Its
never a nice way to win when someone or a team has to
withdraw. I still believe that the Germans are the team to
watch and beat as we head into Rio and it would be foolish of
me to be overly ecstatic with the win. However after all I
have been through, it was a proud moment for me to stand on
that podium and see the Australian flag rise above my head and
sing the national anthem. That is the best feeling in the
world and an experience that I hope to achieve again in the
future.
PW: There is such depth in women's sprinting
in Australia with Anna Meares, Steph Morton, Caitlin Ward and
yourself plus a number of young riders who will be coming up
over the next few years. Tougher competition for selection,
how much of a motivator is this to get back to your best?
KM: Competition is always a good thing at any
level anywhere in sport or anything in life. At the end of the
day I don’t really care about anyone else though and this is a
big thing for me as in the past I often spent too much time
comparing myself to others, or feeling pressure to be the
best.
I have learnt this lesson from Sean who essentially takes the
pressure off me by saying whatever the result is he is equally
as responsible for the outcome - in my belief I think this is
brave of Sean but its also very true. As an athlete I put my
dreams and aspirations into his hands and I trust him to coach
me to have the ability to perform at my best when I need to
because I in return give my best all the time every day in
training. I like this approach and I don’t feel so alone or so
afraid of what my performances may be.
For me now its about being the best I can be and if I ride to
the best of my ability on the day and someone is better than
me then that’s sport and life really! I don’t really look at
the upcoming riders nor the current ones because it’s about
what everyone does on the same day at the same time.
So as a motivator no, this is not my motivation to get back to
my best. I am not silly I know who my competition is and I
watch them, but I don’t care about them. Me getting back to my
best is for myself only. I have nothing to prove to anyone and
it’s all about me and I think this is really seen in my
approach to racing these days. I actually enjoy racing again
and I don’t care who I race, where I race or when I race -
because it’s about me. This is also the way in which I am
learning to conduct my life in general. I have been the type
of person who tries to please everyone, particularly the
people I love and its led to me getting really burnt -
particularly this year. My life now is about doing what I want
and finding the people that want to spend time with me and be
a part of my life rather than me trying so hard to please
everyone. In some way this has been really liberating. I do
things for myself now and I don’t care about what others think
about me so much anymore.
PW: Looking back your decision to leave the
AIS program and go back to training at home has proven to be
the right one?
KM: Yes it was the right decision. First and
foremost being around my family, particularly during this
year, it’s been the best thing for me. I have suffered from
depression this year and I needed my family around me to help
me keep myself together.
But from a professional perspective it’s been such a pleasure
working with Sean Eadie. I have learnt so much from him and I
love going to training these days. Sean cares about his
athletes first as people and second as athletes and I had some
instances at the beginning of the year when I simply couldn’t
get out of bed to face my world and he would give me all the
time I needed and was there to talk to me as my friend first
and as my coach second.
Sean is a big believer in a happy Kaarle = a happy athlete.
This couldn’t be more true. I am finding things in my life
more enjoyable again and I don’t think if I had of stayed at
the AIS that I would have grown or changed the way I have. I
think whether I go to Rio or not is irrelevant for me right
now as it has been worthwhile going through my struggles this
year as I think I am closer to being the best version of
myself as a person first and also as an athlete. I also now
see that when I am happy off my bike my performances are good
anyway.
PW: Is returning to the high performance
program something you are looking to do?
KM: In some capacity yes. I can’t feasibly do
what I do at the level I do it at without the HPU help. I
don’t believe that I will return to Adelaide to live, as I
don’t think the environment is great for me as an individual.
I find it to be too high pressure day in and day out and I
have enjoyed the freedom and flexibility of my life away from
Adelaide.
I also think that Sean’s training philosophy and Gary’s are
quite different and can at times conflict with each other.
This is actually a good thing I think, because in order for
cycling to develop I think its important to have different
ideas and training floating around - it leads to everyone
learning new things and I still work with Gary and the HPU
quite closely for advice with my training and racing so when I
do come back into the group we are all able to work really
well with each other and that’s a credit to the HPU and Sean
and NSWIS.
I think I have done really well this year balancing the
demands of the HPU whilst living away from the system and I
hope that perhaps I can pave a new pathway for other athletes
in the future. I think it’s important to recognise that not
everyone can or will thrive in one environment the same as
everyone else. I for sure believe its the best place to be for
final prep into a big event but for me as an individual I
enjoy being at home and at MY training base for the majority
of my year and doing my training my way. After all this is MY
career and it’s MY life. |
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